DrunkGecko 2023-06-09 11:57:05

Life is a festering vaginal cyst covered in chunks of blood semen and stinky poopoo shid fard. I'm chuckling as I write this but I ain't joking

LoveInUnreality 2023-06-09 20:45:05

Checking new followers pages...
Well, this one is fate then now isn't it?~
If you believe that firmly that you can't be helped, at least maybe a friend could help ease it. We try to help where we can and I do understand atleast somewhat which helps us relate with others having negative experiences. DM a Discord if you want to talk or anything of the sort.
-Abysal

S3C 2023-06-10 16:10:23

"Not that I want it to happen to them, but why is it the first place my mind goes every time family is brought up."

whenever your mind goes there, write it down. Acknowledge your feelings, and write that your thought may be irrational. That is okay. Acknowledge that the brain goes to places we do not want nor can fully control or explain, and that is okay. Then take 30 seconds. Close your eyes and take two deep breaths. Try to separate your thoughts from your body. Do not resist or force a certain type of thinking, but observe your feelings and sensations flowing like water downstream as a neutral third party.

"And as a result I am mentally and physically repulsed by the mere concept of family. That's a problem."

It is a problem but most people have problems.
It's okay to decouple the biological and familial entails of a family.
it's okay to redefine your own family as people you are comfortable being around.
importantly, people make mistakes. it's okay to forgive.

"Of course I don't deserve to feel this way."

if it helps hearing it from a stranger on the internet, I re-affirm you don't deserve to feel this way.
you haven't killed or abused anybody.
you have provided a bunch of epic lulz to people on this platform, and that means a lot. More than many can claim they have done.

"I like to think that in at least 10 long years Ill be happy, but the concept is so foreign I doubt it. And it definitely won't happen soon. I would love to be proven wrong but until then there is no hope"

Your situation sucks, but to point out a possible silver lining. Depression gives perspective. Negative feelings fuel creative inspiration and build character- you're stronger than you give yourself credit for. Once you become numb...all that fades and numbness to depression is more depressing than depression itself.

I get it. People can give you suggestions, like therapy, medication, changing diet and exercise, going to church, yoga, etc. But it's exhausting and blanket solutions to complex, unique problems. And unfortunately, you can put in a good earnest effort and it doesn't work. Sometimes we just have to give a wry grin about life being a festering vaginal cyst covered in chunks of blood semen and stinky poopoo shid fard. So let's kickback pop open a bottle of dollar store sh*t water and shoot the breeze while it lasts.

Yomuchan 2023-06-10 17:00:35

A lot of things can change in the span of 10 years. Don't despair. We're here for you.

PS: Takoyaki.