I'm tired of this shit. I'm tired of everything. I had to go to the bathroom at work because i didnt want anyone to see me cry. And i come out to tell AJ and he says the same shit they always say. Just stay positive. They tell me to stay positive without giving me a single reason to be positive. I gotg AJ telling me to just be positive, i got you telling me that im just complaining about hours when youre not the one being paid minimum wage to do hard labor, i have an absolute idiot telling me I'd feel better if i stopped my meds. Forgetting my meds for almost 2 weeks is half the reason i feel this way. And i honestly feel the other half is that theres plenty of truth to my thoughts. And everyone tells me im wrong. I make a lot of sense but nobody wants to admit it. You'd rather dismiss it as just another person who's a psycho off his meds. People wanna ask whats wrong and i tell them all my problems and have no answers. I get that not many people will have answers, but whats the point of asking me how i feel if the conversation always ends the same. And i know it always ends the same, so i avoid people. And then people wonder why i avoid them. They just say im antisocial as if its a bad thing. If it was a bad thing, why has it kept me alive for so long? I dont need people. I want people. What i need is help. And that's not gonna happen when people as a collective are too ignorant to know how to help. I was doomed to be born like this. To be born in a way thats "not normal." Normal people are generally the scum of the earth so why should i go out of my way to change who i am and be like them. It's not often that i collect my thoughts into something that is worded in a way that "normal" people can understand, because in the heat of the moment, im not capable of doing so. All i can do is tell someone fuck you or think about how badly i wish they would just kill themselves. Because thats all i can say to get their attention. Thats all they're able to see in me, is unbridled rage that they had a hand in creating. Anyway, i wrote for this long and i still dont feel better so im just gonna stop. Once again, i wasted my time trying to get my feelings out
Formerly known as StaticSkull. Ligma borthole.
Age 23, Female
fuck this life
kill yourself
you'll never be happy
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sad rant
Comments
@JimmyBiscuit i sent this entire rant to my mom and she responded exactly how i expected. Telling me to fix whatever the problem is without being able to tell me where to start. If i dont like something i aim to change it. But if i have no idea how to begin, it's going to be difficult to change something.
@DrunkGecko that's just horrible, thats like telling a depressed person to just stop being sad.
if they really cared they wouldn't make those generic ass responses.
Was it perhaps some nosey customer that told you to go off the medication? At the store I worked at, I had a lot of older “Facebook PhDs” giving me all this unsolicited and oftentimes cynical advice to me about everything from dating to voting to even how to be as “fit” as them (even when they are 300+ lbs heavier than me and need me to help them into and out of an electric cart). Same goes for a lot of older co-workers who clearly want to retire.
I’m afraid retail seems to bring out the absolute worst in everyone for some reason—I used to believe I lived in a “safe” neighborhood before I worked in the nearby grocery store, and I’m sure I’ll have to suffer this wake-up call again now that I need to make a steady income outside of art again. Obviously I can’t be of much help either, since I only know you as the person who helped me get into the Art Portal, but your experience working minimum-wage is hardly “abnormal,” at least, and anyone who manages to come home from a retail job without being affected by all the miserable people in your area trying to make you even more miserable than them is likely a sociopath.
not a customer. but my favorite manager. thats the only thing i would ever change about her.
@jthrash @DrunkGecko Oh. That seems a bit inappropriate for a manager to suggest to a worker, from a stranger’s perspective, but maybe my store was more strict about not talking about personal things like medication.
I work in a tiny dollar tree. Theres like 5 people maximum so we're all pretty close. Except the higher up. Hes a genuine piece of shit. Kim, the manager who told me about the meds is extremely close to me. I love her like an aunt, but she's one of those anti vaxxers and its stupid
Kinda sounds like people are treating you like that annoyingly optimistic guy from Monty Python's Life of Brian: while you're hanging on a cross in totall agony, that happy-go-lucky idiot is hanging next to you, singing 'always look on the bright side of life', resulting in adding insult to injury most of the times.
I like to think I've been on both sides of those kinds of conversations. And for a long-ass time, I hated the fact that people use 'how are you?' as a greeting. Like, why even ask how you're doing if you're not gonna be helpfull after getting a negative awnser!? Eventually, I realised, that questiony greeting is not meant to be helpfull to you, but to help themselves. So they know with how misserable of a person they will have to deal with for the rest of their work-day.
I also came to the conclusion, that if you'd like people to tell you something helpfull, informing them if your situation, will often result in not getting any usefull advice besides the annoying:'just cheer up'. Well intended words, but useless and frankly, usually makes you feel worse off.
What I'd like to do is getting other people to tell some of their misserable experiences, and see if there are some nuggets of wisdom to be found in there to use for myself. Most often, there isn't, or I can't see it, but at the very least, I've distracted myself from my own missery with their sad parts of their own shitty parts of their lives.
Ya know what they say: 'missery loves company'.
JimmyBiscuit
I see past your rage. I see the person I love inside you. I see you.
I can’t help but think the part about sharing your problems and getting no answers is kinda about me?
I know I don’t have all the answer to everything and I wish I could because it just hurts me when I don’t have any idea of what to say, I try, I try because I love you more than anything in the world.
Idk if I’m rambling or not, I hope it makes sense. I love you
DrunkGecko
I promise it wasnt about you at all. Its about my mom and my stepbrother and people in general. You, unlike other people, reassure me beforehand that you may not have the answers. You're not like them, you dont get my hopes up for an answer im not gonna get. And that is one of the biggest reasons i love you.