I miss my friends. I miss the bbs. I feel so isolated. I just got a girlfriend but I'm so scared of going out of my comfort zone. It physically hurts me. My heart feels cracked but nothing even happened. I'm just so scared of change. I can't bring myself to do anything. I'm supposed to be making stop motions. I haven't even started. I can't focus enough to play games. My interface is busted so I can't record music. I couldn't stay at work yesterday because I couldn't stop crying. Who do I have to talk to. My mom and stepdad are always at work or asleep. My stepbrother is quite literally too stupid to even understand. I don't want to discuss it with coworkers because my girlfriend is my coworker. And normally I just go on the bbs and pour my heart out so a bunch of people with no answers will at least listen. But I don't even have that now. I feel so alone. The only voice I'm hearing is my thoughts. And my thoughts are constantly telling me that I'm crazy and I deserve to die. I hate my life. I hate that I have to live like this every day. I keep trying to better myself but time and time again something gets in the way of that and suddenly it feels impossible. I just wish I could be happy. That's all I want. But it's too much to ask. So I get trapped in my thoughts and pour it out in a Facebook group. A group based on newgrounds, a place where I've done nothing but fuck up. Half of you probably hate me. And I wouldn't even blame you because I hate myself. If I could take back all the stupid shit I've said and done I would. But unfortunately it's never that easy. @malachy @turkeyonastick @tomfulp
None of you deserved to put up with me. I could apologize a million times and it probably wouldn't mean anything. Im sure you don't think about it as much as me. Because you guys shouldn't feel guilty for anything. I should. And I do. This has nothing to do with why I was even sad at first. Or maybe it does. Because clearly Im not getting a straight answer as to what the fuck is wrong with my brain. So my brain just reminds me of all my mistakes. And then I cry like a bitch about it for a couple hours. And get over it. And then do it again. Fuck this cycle. What the fuck happened to me. I used to do nothing but be creative. And now I've landed here embarrassing myself during another episode. Thank you for coming to my Ted Psychosis
DaShahRach00
Hey, I don't know what you are going through and I don't know you personally, you are certainly going through a very dark time in your life. Above all, don't panic, stay brave and don't give up, your efforts will be rewarded. You don't deserve to die or be insulted or anything, you're not doing anything wrong, you just need to be sane. Take a break if you need to, take a vacation, don't talk to people who annoy you, go out, meet old friends, do the things you're passionate about. And go see a therapist if you have to, it's always good to talk to someone.
Good luck, I hope for you that this horrible phase will pass and that you can finally enjoy the happiness you deserve. Don't worry, it will happen. People love you.
(also sorry for my bad english)