DrunkGecko 2024-05-11 03:31:28

Agonal breathing, a woman hanged in the dark
Stillborn soul teething on my fragile heart
Screams reverberating, piercing my bleeding ears
My spirit regurgitating, on the floor lies blood and tears

On the wall, my broken brain is smeared…

Do not forgive me for my death, it will only cause you pain
I never deserved my breath, I deserve to be someone you hate
I'm naked and broken, I'm dying and afraid
May God give me what I deserve most, another rape

Another bleeding nostril, another knife my back
I'm nothing but a toy, I'm nothing but a fag
My purpose is to please his sadistic lust
And now that he's dead my purpose has been lost

I channel confusion and fear into repetitive music
If not for this medium, would I be an abuser?
The next serial killer, the next active shooter
If you truly love me, read this aloud at my funeral

Make the empty attendance uncomfortable as I…

Fuck me after death like you fucked my life
Lick the blackened blood from my favorite knife
Worthless pile of semen soaked gore
Since childhood, I was nothing but a whore

highstreet 2024-05-11 04:09:21

You are a good person

C0LAF3TI5H 2024-05-11 04:16:26

... are you good

C0LAF3TI5H 2024-05-11 04:16:39

@DrunkGecko you can talk to me any time okay

phenorax 2024-05-12 01:28:12

You're getting good at this

KhaosKitsune617 2024-05-12 15:44:53

your poems are wild

DrunkGecko 2024-05-12 23:01:37

I can't help but feel responsible for everyones happiness. If Nikki, my ex Kris, my friend azure, my friend I have feelings for Zen… if any of them are sad I feel this immense pressure that if I don't immediately jump to help them even if I'm already going insane in my own problems, then I am an evil piece of shit. I know it's not my responsibility but I can't shake the feeling. Am Im putting it here because I don't know who the fuck to turn to anymore. I can't tell my other friends because they're all currently dealing with so much. I can't tell my therapist because she's not getting paid to talk to me right now. I can't tell my mom because it's her special day and she'll probably threaten to have me committed. Mental hospitals have never helped me. I've been to almost 30 as a kid. Not a single one pulled me out of my abusive home. All the staff are always doctors too busy to do anything but shove meds down your throat, a bunch of ghetto nurses with no empathy, and old white dudes on a power trip. I'm fucking desperate. Idk what the fuck to do anymore. Idk how to word this shit without sounding like another schizophrenic rambling about fuck knows what. And every time I get like this there is someone screaming in my ear that they're going to kill me. Even though I'm alone in this room. I hate hearing voices. I'm screaming to myself out loud about past abusers and helpless feelings in a fridge at work and I fucking know for a fact that customers are probably hearing me. Fuck this shit. I'm so tired of living in pain. And yet I'm too much of a fucking pussy to kill myself. I can never fucking do it. Ever. Someone please give me an answer. Please give me a way out because I'm tired of failing to make one myself. I don't want to be insane anymore

DrunkGecko 2024-05-14 22:29:10

I had to get a new box cutter because I left mine at home and I grabbed a random one and the safety was off and once I got to the fridge I just started cutting my arm. I did it twice and then stopped so it's not noticeable but... I didn't even realize I was doing it. I don't feel a desire to cut myself Idk why the fuck I even did that. I literally just did that unconsciously and that scares me.
Am I actually just fucking crazy

Cherry-Garnet 2024-05-17 21:23:20

@DrunkGecko Are you currently okay? I hope you didn't hurt yourself too badly.

Cherry-Garnet 2024-05-17 21:37:49

@DrunkGecko What's going on? I'm not use to seeing you this way.

Cherry-Garnet 2024-05-17 21:50:57

@DrunkGecko Hey, I have to go to bed soon, but whenever you're ready to talk I'll be here.

DrunkGecko 2024-05-18 00:01:40

@cherry-garnet im sorry but none of you feel like family anymore. not after you all got torn away from me with general closing. i detach quickly. its not your fault. im sorry

Cherry-Garnet 2024-05-18 19:58:16

@DrunkGecko Alright, but if you change your mind I'll be here.