An immense amount of pain and trauma poured into a blend of breakcore, industrial, and dark ambient.
Formerly known as StaticSkull. Ligma borthole.
Age 23, Female
fuck this life
kill yourself
you'll never be happy
Joined on 1/11/18
Posted by DrunkGecko - 8 days ago
An immense amount of pain and trauma poured into a blend of breakcore, industrial, and dark ambient.
Posted by DrunkGecko - 8 days ago
Day after day, an invisible cloud of poison surrounds me
The incredible amount of shame never fails to astound me
No matter where I try hiding, the pain has still found me
And spreads like a plague to all loved ones around me
I tear my arm off, my skin tender and soft as bread
I break apart every bone beneath my wilted flesh
It's all I can do to escape my own sick head
It's either self inflicted pain or another shot at death
Please stop laughing at me…
I like to think that I give back the treatment I receive
So then why do I cause innocent people to seethe?
Maybe I'm more evil than I would like to believe
Maybe I deserve to be hanging from the trees
Exhausted, I don't have the energy to further cry
I've lost it, I was born with a horribly unstable mind
I'm tossing, misanthropic and sleep deprived
A faucet, blood pouring from this neck of mine
Stabbing, screaming, beating, burning, rape
Such horrible sounds that torment my fragile brain
I want to love, but all I've ever known is hate
My heart is trapped in a barbed wire cage
Dead trees beckon to me…
Posted by DrunkGecko - 8 days ago
I try my best best to learn from all of my past mistakes
Yet I still find ways to live a life shrouded in hate
How can anyone bring themselves to look me in the face
I want to spread joy, but I'm only capable of spreading plague
Is this the reason that I was thrust upon this Earth?
Is my sole purpose in life to cause nothing but hurt?
I truly believe my rape was well deserved
Even if I was 4 years old, as I am now, it feels earned
If my life has been ruined then why bother living it?
Too cowardly to end it, I don't deserve to live, period
But instead I choose to remain a venom on this planet
A disease ridden vermin, poisonous and manic
I am nothing but the blackest bile from my mother's womb
I am worth nothing more than the eroded stone of my tomb
But don't worry, someday beneath the brightest moon
I will finally gain the courage to cause my doom
And the world continues to spin without me in it
Not a cloudy day, there is nothing different
This Earth is much better, there is less hatred
Now that I'm gone, in hell with my rapist
Posted by DrunkGecko - 1 month ago
I will not let your shitty actions break me. My estrogen has me more empowered than ever. Ive cried it out every hour for 2 days straight. Now I will do what I can to move on. I will talk to more friends, I will draw, I will write, I will play games, I will create. I will not wallow in the pain your cheating caused
Posted by DrunkGecko - 1 month ago
I brought a belt to the woods to hang myself. I pussied out like I always do. I went on the phone with the hotline. I threw my belt in the water and lost it. I came back home. My mom thinks I was just going for a walk. I guess I'll just continue with the cartoons and songs :/
Posted by DrunkGecko - 1 month ago
I've done all I can. I've tried. And nothing is enough. I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough. If you don't hear from me I am dead. Not that anyone would give a fuck
Posted by DrunkGecko - April 3rd, 2024
Memories of you haunt me almost every day I awake
I have twisted fantasies of tearing the skin from your face
Nightmares haunt me ever since I started estrogen
I didn't realize the extent of the trauma I've been suppressing
Dreams of you breaking my spirit and taunting my soul
Beating my naked carcass at eleven years old
And telling me that I am nothing but roadkill
My corpse only serving as a punching bag for you
And you're not the only one haunting me
I can feel my inner child being further raped in my sleep
By one of my many other abusers, a family friend
Someone who got an undeservingly merciful death
I should have been given the embrace of death before him
Because he deserves to remain alive in pain, not me, I'm the victim
I'm the one who continues to suffer a disfigured brain
I'm the one who's being driven mentally insane
This life isn't fair…
And on top of that, after all the abuse I end up in a safe home
But I can't bring myself to love my new mother, I still feel alone
How selfish is it that I can't love the person who gave me life
Do I deserve the life you gave me if living is something I don't like?
My selfish brain chose to dwell on my previous family…
The only person I love is my romantic partner
But knowing they can't hold me makes it so much harder
Why is it only with them that I feel empathy
When my family and friends have only had my sympathy
And how can I learn to share this empathy with myself?
How do I convince myself that I don't belong in hell?
I'm terrified of healing because change is painful
And as much as I push through, my heart still feels fatal
Posted by DrunkGecko - March 31st, 2024
I'll probably regret posting this here and delete it later like I always do. I wrote this song while crying hysterically
Is it desperation to cling to you as often as I do?
My self loathing isn't fair to put you through
I would drop all desires of vengeance towards my abusers
If only I knew how to do that, we could be so much closer
For you, I'd rid my heart of all evil
And all that's left is a wash of shame
I don't feel empathy for many people
And it's killing me to see you in pain
Tears drop down onto these words
Another poem I will dedicate to you
I wish we could both find a cure
You're my reason to live, it's true
And if my desire to leave this Earth
Ends up stronger than my love for you
Darling, please don't let yourself be hurt
I'll try my best to live, I don't want to do that to you
I will do the best I can for you…