I miss my friends. I miss the bbs. I feel so isolated. I just got a girlfriend but I'm so scared of going out of my comfort zone. It physically hurts me. My heart feels cracked but nothing even happened. I'm just so scared of change. I can't bring myself to do anything. I'm supposed to be making stop motions. I haven't even started. I can't focus enough to play games. My interface is busted so I can't record music. I couldn't stay at work yesterday because I couldn't stop crying. Who do I have to talk to. My mom and stepdad are always at work or asleep. My stepbrother is quite literally too stupid to even understand. I don't want to discuss it with coworkers because my girlfriend is my coworker. And normally I just go on the bbs and pour my heart out so a bunch of people with no answers will at least listen. But I don't even have that now. I feel so alone. The only voice I'm hearing is my thoughts. And my thoughts are constantly telling me that I'm crazy and I deserve to die. I hate my life. I hate that I have to live like this every day. I keep trying to better myself but time and time again something gets in the way of that and suddenly it feels impossible. I just wish I could be happy. That's all I want. But it's too much to ask. So I get trapped in my thoughts and pour it out in a Facebook group. A group based on newgrounds, a place where I've done nothing but fuck up. Half of you probably hate me. And I wouldn't even blame you because I hate myself. If I could take back all the stupid shit I've said and done I would. But unfortunately it's never that easy. @malachy @turkeyonastick @tomfulp

None of you deserved to put up with me. I could apologize a million times and it probably wouldn't mean anything. Im sure you don't think about it as much as me. Because you guys shouldn't feel guilty for anything. I should. And I do. This has nothing to do with why I was even sad at first. Or maybe it does. Because clearly Im not getting a straight answer as to what the fuck is wrong with my brain. So my brain just reminds me of all my mistakes. And then I cry like a bitch about it for a couple hours. And get over it. And then do it again. Fuck this cycle. What the fuck happened to me. I used to do nothing but be creative. And now I've landed here embarrassing myself during another episode. Thank you for coming to my Ted Psychosis

First wholesome newspoast in... ever I think.

Yeah there's a girl at work that I think is really cool. With the same retard humor as me.

For a very long time I just avoided asking her out because we're coworkers. But if there's anything I've learned from the mental hospital, it's that my life is just gonna stay shitty without taking risks for my happiness.

So I asked her today, it took me like 4 straight minutes to get the fucking words out. And she said yes.

And now I can't be near her without having a giant shit eating grin on my face.

I feel so happy and I'm not used to that.

It feels so foreign to me.

But still feels nice

April 7

Mark it down

Write it on the side of your Weiner

Ya boi is fresh out the mental hospital

And feeling fucking amazing

Ready to take on the world

Still taking a break from the bbs tho, focusing on music and some stop motion shit

I tend to be purposely disgusting as a joke and not think about the fact that the forum is filled with teens at this point

I'll watch what I say from now on because I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable

Especially if they're complaining about it

But if it's mist saying these things, I'd like you to keep in mind that he solicited underage users for nudes under the account furrygod

I hope he's not saying there's logs of me talking to people on discord, because I don't use discord

I don't want to delete this account because of all my submissions

I am taking an indefinite break tho

I'm going to request a ban for a month

I think it would be best for my sanity

I feel so stupid for giving any ammunition that mist could use to make me look like a creep. I'm under the assumption that users themselves are directly complaining about how I speak. Because if it's mist, then keep in mind he was soliciting underage users for nudes under the name furrygod. Eyelovepoozy confirmed that. Mist calls literally everyone a pedophile and hasn't given any proof.

But if I'm fueling the fire with the stupid shit I say, then I really need to change. This is a big wake up call for me.

I don't deserve any of your respect or kindness

I've spent my whole life crying like a little bitch

I deserve to be thrown in a fucking ditch 

All that stops me from suicide is cowardice 

I deserve the same hatred that I've spread on this planet

Regardless of me being molded into this unwillingly 

I treat my family with hate and can't fucking stand it

I only suffer more from you not killing me 

I wish everyone around me could suffer like me 

My hatred is becoming a gateway to sociopathy 

Bend me over and rape me until I'm bleeding everywhere 

Beat me til my bones break off and I puke from the fear 

A toy for the abuser is all I have ever been good for 

I'm a dirty faggot, I'm the bitch, nothing more 

Too much of a coward cunt to kill myself at all 

A fucking pussy who's suffering will always be prolonged 

You can't help me, you can't save me, you can't cure me 

And you certainly can't convince me any of that is possible 

You can't fix me, you can't tell me, I'll ever be happy

It's not physically or mentally possible, not at all

I deserve to fucking die a most bloody and gruesome death 

And all of you deserve to watch me choke on my last breath

I want to rot, I want to decay, I want to kill myself 

I pray there's an underworld, because I deserve hell 

Don't you fucking dare tell me to love myself

I am fucking trash, and I don't deserve to live 

Kill yourself, kill yourself, kill yourself, kill yourself

My mind is begging for death, but my body doesn't give a shit 

Hate is all that I have known, that's never gonna change 

The only release I'll ever have is when I'm fucking hanged 

I didn't ask for schizophrenia, I didn't ask to be born 

All I ask for is happiness, but all I'm given is scorn 

I can't decide what I deserve more

To live a life of suffering, or die in a pile of gore 

Fuck you, fuck me, and fuck everything

I can't explain my thoughts, so I just fucking scream 

way to go @malachy you worthless piece of shit. you're really helping the forums with your power trip you cunt. @tomfulp im sorry but you are seriously fucking up by allowing this retard to continue being a mod. hes been nothing but a condescending piece of dogshit who bans people over the most petty shit, and this time, just like many other times, he wasnt even right. these are 2 separate people. these alts are zeiwolf, not seth. they share an ip because they live together. and now seth is gone because hes tired of dealing with @malachy and his condescending faggot-ass bullshit.

i got banned again

for a dumb reason, big shocker

and by the same guy who's banned me the last 10 times, big shocker

I didn't stir up anything. I pointed out that this guy keeps making the opposite version of funkbrs threads because he doesn't like him. I was telling him that he's one of the most talented animators in the portal id seen recently and I don't understand why he's wasting his wasting his time like this. If anything, I was trying to end drama. i didnt call this guy names or anything, didnt talk shit on him. in fact, i even told him that i regret all the pointless arguing ive done before with the exception of like 2 people. and that hes probably gonna feel the same way. i was in a nutshell saying "drama is pointless" and i get banned for starting drama. But @Malachy is so fucking quick to ban me. He's been the only one to ban me the past 11 times. He's the only mod doing this. He's so condescending with anything he says to me. on my last ban, and many others he speaks to me like im a 7 year old hes putting in time out.

this is some reddit mod type shit

Why is he still a mod, there's a clear bias. Why can't @Malachy get his dick out of his hand for one second

he contributes nothing to this website. no art, no submissions. i dont even see him donate to any of the site stuff like the treasure hunt thing or the pixel day thing. the only thing he does is bullshit on the forums and ban someone every now and then. more often than not, the person he bans is me. im certain the only reason hes still a mod is because hes been here for so long. is that really a good enough excuse?

and if malachy is now gonna ban noobclock for one week, then his reason for banning me has been counteracted. because now hes the one who started it for no reason and not me, which is what i was saying. and i wasnt derailing because now he can see thats what the fucking thread was about. but i still have to be banned for 3 days because he cant admit when hes wrong

im seriously sick of having to watch my back in the only community ive ever felt happy in, all because one guy has it out for me.

Fucking shit ass and fuck cum fucker